Secret Diary of Porthos AOS
by Daughters of Gondor
Summary: Follows "Secret Diary" 1, link can be found on our author page. Not fully necessary to read that one first but some of the inside jokes may not be clear without reading it. Implied slash. Rating to be safe for some language and suggestive content.


_**Disclaimer:**_ Not ours, damnit. Ah, well, we can dream.

_**A/N:**_ Yes, I know the time lines for "Enterprise" and "Star Trek (2009)" were roughly a hundred years apart (considering Jonathan Archer would be 121 years old when Kirk was born), but the movie opened the door itself, so it's fair game.

Posted under Star Trek (2009) for a couple reasons: 1.) we felt more people would see it, 2.) it ties in to the movie maybe half way through but becomes AOS almost from the beginning.

This was obviously just for fun and not to be taken seriously, but it came to me a while ago, and just wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. Again, was written while tired and at around 12:30 a.m.

So...a previously never intended to be written sequel/AOS chapter to the original "Secret Diary of Porthos".

Some cameos are obvious, some are more vague. Points if you can figure them out.

Enjoy.

* * *

_**Secret Diary of Cap'n Porthos**_

_**Day 1**_

Back on Earth. Introduced myself to a tree but was ignored. Stupid tree.

Am very happy to be dirtside, but am rather annoyed. Senior Staff left "their room" just in time for Enterprise to pull into home space dock and took all the credit.

Grr!

Have not spoken to Master since.

_**Day 5**_

How DARE they!

Stupid Star Fleet officials promoted Master...OVER ME! I brought Enterprise home, damnit!!!!

Grr!

Going to find cheese...lots of cheese. Then they'll be sorry.

Still not speaking to Master.

_**Day 11**_

Settled into new officer's quarters with Master. Am very impressed.

Have decided to forgive Master as he bought me a new collar that says "Admiral Porthos" on the tag.

At least SOMEONE appreciates me.

_**Day 18**_

Master accepted a teaching position at Star Fleet Academy. Think he called it Relativistic Physics, though am unsure what relatives have to do with it. Have not seen any of Master's family yet.

What? I'm a starship captain, not a physicist.

I sleep through most of the classes anyway.

_**Day 20**_

Senior Staff met yesterday after Trip guest spoke on transporters in Master's classes. Have not seen them since. Am slightly worried...

But mostly just disturbed. Shouldn't the senior staff meetings have stopped after Enterprise was decommissioned?

Am hiding my water dish to be safe.

**____****Day ****22**

Captain Pike came to visit Master today. Was very excited as I hadn't seen Captain Pike since I was a puppy.

He yelled at Master for over an hour about "Senior Staff rights" and how Master had "one more chance."

Apparently Captian Pike is angry with Master.

_**Day 25**_

Master argued...oh, sorry..."debated" with a cadet today. Something about grapefruit and planets in the same system. Wasn't really paying attention, but I think Master called the cadet "Scott".

Am a bit unnerved. Am positive Scott looked at me strangely. Am convinced he's planning something.

_**Day 29**_

Master was slamming doors today and yelling about "that damn idiot cadet".

Am having a slight feeling of deja vu.

_**Day 34**_

Am being followed by a little green guy. Have seen him hanging out with Scott frequently, so have no doubt whatever Scott is planning he's recruited little green guy to help him.

Have taken to hiding out in Captain Pike's office or with Cadet Kirk and his friend Bones, as no one will find me in either place. Fortunately, have shaken little green guy off my trail by doing so.

As a bonus, Cadet Kirk always knows just how I like my ears scratched.

_**Day 37**_

Master had senior staff meeting with Captain Pike today so I attempted to sneak out to visit Cadet Kirk. Was only halfway there when I got grabbed.

Damnit.

_**Day 38**_

Note to self: Next time I see Cadet Scott....he will regret ever putting me on that transported pad.

Now...

Where the hell am I?

_**Day 43...or 44...45?**_

Not sure, have lost track of time. Feels like I'm on an episode of that old TV show Master likes.

_Quantum_ something or other.

Is very annoying jumping from place to place.

On the plus side, have met some interesting characters.

Padfoot was very friendly. Never thought I'd see a dog that could turn into a human though. His accent reminded me of Malcolm.

_**Jump 52**_

Have given up counting days. Much easier counting jumps.

Met a monkey at Earth's moon space station. Was very strange. Said his name was Rafiki and insisted he was the first monkey to ever reach space...

Which is total bull, as even I know the first monkey sent into space was named Albert, back in the 20th Century.

Told Rafiki his butt was big and absurdly red. He simply shrugged and started singing "Hakuna Matata" whatever the hell that means.

_**Jump 55**_

Met a dog named Toto. Was a bit annoying. Kept yapping about lollipop midgets, flying monkies, shiny red shoes, and tapping your heels together, chanting, "There's no place like home."

Seriously, who wears shiny red shoes anymore? What, is this the 21st Century?

On another note, tried tapping my heels together and chanting...

Complete BS. Didn't do a damn thing other than make me feel and look like an ass.

_**Jump 64**_

Not quite sure where I am, but I don't understand the language. The people look a bit like Vulcans, though...only prettier, and blond, and their ears aren't quite as pointy, and I'm not sure which are male verses female, and they live in a forest.

Thought I saw a giant spider that could have swallowed me whole, but I didn't hang around long enough to find out for sure.

_**Jump 69**_

I...do NOT...want...to know.

_**Jump 76**_

Met another dog, a Chihuahua named Gidget. He really liked tacos and offered me some, which I appreciated, as I hadn't eaten since before Scott sent me on this little trip I'm currently on.

I decided it was time to move on, though, when he tried to trap a giant lizard in a little, old fashioned box trap. He needed more than a "beeger box".

_**Jump 83**_

Woke up in a cage with some fuzzy blue alien posing as an Earth dog. Every other animal in the room was all freaking out because the little dude came back to life after being hit by a truck. Cowards.

I'm a starship captain, I've seen crazier things. An alien dog returning from the dead? Old news.

_**Jump 95**_

Don't know where I am, but everything started out fairly well. The half naked people were a bit weird, but being worshiped by them as their king wasn't so bad.

Until they tried to cook me.

I hope the strangely dressed man with the toe necklace gets away before they try to cook him. Ruling these people costs more than it's worth in the end.

_**Jump 102**_

I think I'm on a ship. This is a transporter pad. It sounds like a ship...feels like a ship. Like being back on the Enterprise. I need to get to the bridge.

Wait...I know that scent...

Scott's here.

* * *

_Several members of the engineering crew of NCC-1701 Enterprise were treated to the sight of a little beagle running into engineering with what looked eerily like an evil doggy grin and making a bee-line for Scotty. His squeal of surprise and pain as the dog jumped at him echoed throughout the engine room, accompanied by the growls of the beagle._

_Over Scotty's shouts and the growls and barks of the dog, Keenser could be heard laughing hysterically._


End file.
